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September 30, 2012 / internetdater2012

The good, the bad and the scammers

After a brief respite away from dating sites after my experiences with A, I was lured back in. I went in with a different attitude this time though, to have a bit of fun and not take it too seriously.

I was ‘lucky’ enough to get quite a few responses on the site but the type of guys who were messaging me varied wildly, some seemed like genuinely nice guys, some were just sleazy and others were quite obviously not who they were claiming to be. Below are some of the highlights;

Ridiculously young guys

I received quite a few messages from people who were more than 10 years younger than me, the first time round I wouldn’t have even given them the time of day but this time I thought I would go along with it and see what happened.

I got chatting to 3 or 4 younger guys and every one went the same way, all they were interested in was to get into some sort of chat about sex. With my newfound attitude I thought it was a good idea to go along with it and ended up getting into some very interesting conversations which usually culminated in intimate pictures being sent. Looking back this was definitely not a good idea but a kind of madness had descended over me at this point and I really didn’t see what I was doing.

Foreign Guys

I started to get messages from people all over the world, USA, Canada, Algeria, Africa to name but a few. A lot of these were quite obviously scammers, they would claim to be US soldiers or something similar but their grasp of the English language was so poor it was pretty obvious that they weren’t who they were claiming to be. I feel very sorry for anyone who does get taken in by this. I didn’t really get into too much conversation with these as I didn’t really see the point when there was not going to be any chance of meeting them.

The Nice Guys

In amongst all of the sex crazed weirdos there were some guys who seemed genuinely nice. There weren’t too many of these, but there were enough to make me not give up on the whole thing. In all honesty some of them were a little too nice, sometimes you need a little bit more than nice to keep your interest.

O was one of the nice guys, he lived fairly locally and sent me some really nice messages. We agreed to meet up but at the last minute I chickened out and made an excuse. I just wasn’t really attracted to him but had been trying to convince myself that I was as he seemed like a decent prospect. He still sends me messages now and then asking if we can meet, I know I should be straight with him but I just don’t seem to be able to find the right way to say it.

 

In essence, the internet really does contain the whole cross section of society. Some of my friends still have the opinion that online dating is only for desperate people and that anyone you meet is going to be some kind of axe murderer. My way of thinking is that if you met someone in a pub or a club they would have the same potential to be a weirdo. These are people you don’t know and the only way to get to know them is to give them a chance and talk

 

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September 30, 2012 / internetdater2012

The First Date

One of the first people I properly got talking to was A. He was a lawyer, originally from Hungary but had been living in London for a number of years. We got chatting online and after exchanging a few messages he asked for my number. I did hesitate at this as I’m not exactly confident when it comes to chatting on the phone, it all seems so much easier online when you have the chance to review what you are going to say before sending it! Eventually though I did give him my number and when he called it wasn’t as awkward as I had feared.

We talked for a while and when I briefly mentioned that i had a couple of days off work the following week he asked if I would come down to see him. I said that I would think about it and after a few hours of going back and forth in my head about whether or not this was something I could actually do, I decided to take the plunge and go for it. After all if I never took the first step what was the point!

All too soon the day arrived for my trip to London, I really didn’t know what to expect, and was incredibly nervous. What if he took one look at me and ran? what if he was nothing like his pictures? What if he didn’t even turn up!

I boarded the train full of trepidation and sent a text to A to tell him I was on my way. He immediately replied saying that he couldn’t wait to meet me. The next couple of hours were hellish as I played over every scenario in my mind. As I approached Euston station I felt physically sick with nerves.

I got off the train and began to walk up the platform and suddenly there he was. He was everything I had hoped for and more. He was tall, dark and handsome and he was really there! He smiled at me and gave me a hug, he seemed genuinely pleased to see me.

We went for a coffee and the conversation flowed easily, all of the worries which I had had previously melted away as we talked. He asked if I would like to go down to the Southbank for lunch which I agreed sounded lovely. He even produced an extra oyster card so I didn’t have to worry about buying a ticket for the tube.

A took me to a few places which he thought I might like to see and was incredibly thoughtful and sweet. eventually he asked if he could kiss me. My heart skipped a beat as his lips touched mine and it was perfect. afterwards he took my hand and didn’t let go for the rest of the day. I felt so special and couldn’t believe that I had ever been nervous, he really was too good to be true.

All too soon it was time for me to leave, A took me back to the station and kissed me again, promising to see me again soon. The journey back to Manchester was full of daydreams about what the future could possibly hold (I get carried away quite easily!)

The next few days were filled with little texts back and forward, I would regularly get messages in the middle of the day which simply said “I’m thinking about you”. Within days I had invited A to stay the following weekend.

I told my friends about him, incredibly excited about the prospect of having a good looking, professional boyfriend (another example of me getting carried away!) They were understandably cautious but soon got as caught up in the whole thing as I was.

When A arrived in Manchester on a sunny Saturday afternoon the whole thing again seemed perfect. A scooped me up for a kiss as soon as he saw me and the whole journey back to my house was filled with smiles and kisses. As soon as we walked through the door the situation became very heated. I won’t go into details but we ended up in bed within a few minutes of being there and it was amazing.

Afterwards I asked A if he wanted to go out for dinner or drinks but he said that he just wanted to be with me which in my head was further proof that this was the beginning of a perfect love story. We ended up just getting a takeaway and a DVD. We talked and laughed and spent an awful lot of time in bed!

The following day I took A back to the station, again we hugged and kissed and promised to see one another again soon. The next few days were again filled with phone calls and messages and then suddenly everything changed.

At first it was just that he didn’t reply to my messages straight away, this was frustrating but obviously he was a busy man and I couldn’t expect him to drop everything for me. the messages then began to become less frequent and eventually stopped all together. I tried texting, calling, emailing, anything to get hold of him but with no response. I was devastated.

I sent a long message to him after a few days of no contact telling him how hurt I was. I got a message back which simply said “I’m sorry darling” I felt like a complete fool. I had been totally taken in by him and believed everything he had told me. I should have realised it was too good to be true.

Although I had only known A for a few weeks, because the whole thing had been so intense it felt like a lot longer. I spent the next couple of weeks in a state of utter devastation not really wanting to admit to anyone how stupid I had been. I didn’t tell anyone the full details of what had happened or how awful I felt, preferring to say that things just hadn’t worked out.

I swore off internet dating for a few weeks after that but evetually my curiosity got the better of me

To be continued….

 

September 30, 2012 / internetdater2012

How it all began…

A bit about me

So where to begin? I suppose I should tell you the basics first. I’m 35 and live in Manchester. I’ve now been single for 3 years and to be honest up until recently I hadn’t even thought about dating again.

I am a big girl, a size 24 and have never exactly been used to getting any male attention. So when I discovered the world of BBW dating sites it was a revelation! Finally here was a group of guys who weren’t judging me for my size but were celebrating it!

I set up a profile on a site which seemed to have decent feedback and immediately started to receive messages from men all over the world. Some of the messages seemed genuine, some were quite obviously scams and some were downright weird!

I have never been a particularly outgoing person so when I started to receive incredibly detailed descriptions of what some of these men would like to do to me I was shocked! I lost count of the number of dodgy pictures I was sent (and on one occasion a video). after a while though I started to enjoy the attention even though it was completely inappropriate. I suppose it comes down to low self esteem but in my head any attention had to be a good thing.

It has been a couple of months now and a few things have happened which I find it really difficult to talk to my friends about, hence this blog, this is my way of getting my thoughts down and trying to make sense of it all!

I’m not sure if anyone will read this and am not really bothered either way, I am doing this for myself.